Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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