I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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