There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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