I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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