dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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