I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
