I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
