the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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