I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
