How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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