I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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