We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
