yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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