You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry about my life...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
