she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
