Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he puts the penis in happiness.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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