So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
