That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
