awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
