I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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