My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize