Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
BRING THE BAGELS
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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