that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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