all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
