reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
