Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
