yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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