I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
