just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
