Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
