she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
