This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
