i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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