someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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