yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize