i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
