Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
