so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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