She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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