Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
