I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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