i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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