those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
