508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
