had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
