you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the day after is always just damage control
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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