oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
