i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish you could order shots online.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
