I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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