I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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