i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize