All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
