The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
