Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
