I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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