ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
