His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
