Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
