ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
