We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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