I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
