If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
