I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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