Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
