You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
