I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
