i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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