if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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