I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
