I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
