i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
