I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
