He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
