Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
