Sry I called you an 8
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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