Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
