idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
