she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize