we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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