walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
