things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
