So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
