just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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