at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your cock deserves a montage
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
