Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
